PILLARS OF HERCULES 7'S

Player Profile info for the Pillars of Hercules (POH) squad is listed below and will be updated on new caps being introduced or worthwhile stories being sent to our webmaster.

Joey Garcia is the P.O.H captain. He captained his school side at Stonyhurst and won the national school sevens competition also playing for Lancashire U16s and U18s before going on to play for Regatas Rugby club in Argentina. Joey then played for Bristol University 1st XV, before spending a season with Granada Rugby Club in the Spanish premier division. Joey also played for Rosslyn Park Rugby Club and currently plays for Gibraltar RFC in the Spanish League.
Joey was one of the founding members of P.O.H and as such can write pretty much whatever he wants about himself here. key.
In the words of an Abercrombie shop attendant, joey has 'plenty to work with' in the 'trunk' department. Onlookers claim that this is the source of his extraordinary power. 'Bumra' leaves everything out of the field, and promises himself never to play another game of sevens, after every sevens match.

Mark Garcia played for Stonyhurst college and has also played for Gibraltar RFC, Bristol university, Bristol medics, Dings crusaders and QJP sevens. Mark is a final year medical student at Bristol university, and has some disturbing stories to unleash at completely inappropriate intervals. Mark sometimes comes on tour but disappears for hours or days at a time, on one occasion ending up in Dublin for three days!!! Thankfully he is always there in gameday, unleashing the pistons on unsuspecting tacklers caught in the shadow of his deceptively huge derrier.

John Bassadone, aka bassadopolus, lopolopolus, vassalopolus, johndolpolous, weapon, harpoon is a founding member of POH. He is also the owner and skipper of the POH yacht, Vertigo.
Although it has been said that bassadopolus turns like a truck on ice, he is quick to point out his own attributes. Extraordinary good looks, 'amazing' hands, and a startling resemblance to Ben Affleck. 'Guys, I think they are looking at me'.
When playing touch rugby, at least 8 people need to touch him before he stops to make it realistic. A giant of a man, John is surprisingly light on his feet but momentum is the name of the game for the big man. He also wore leggings during the NYC 7's. Disgraceful.

When not having facials, john trains hard, doing the Sotogrande to Gibraltar cycle during the summer season to stay in shape. John claims to be able to get to Gibraltar on a bicycle quicker than a car. amazing gas.
Harpoon has played for Gibraltar RFC as well as Richmond RFC and was a junior Rosslyn Park nationals winner at school level. It is said that John maintains his youthful looks by traversing in excess of 300 time zones a month but he always makes a spectacular effort for the POH and will never miss a tournament. POH simply could not function without John who is as key off the pitch as he is on it. A legend of POH

Bally, aka the Waterboy has yet to lace up for POH but provided vital back office support as coach/waterboy in the Puerto sevens. He continuously asks when he will be able to lace up for the POH but presently sits on the reserve list. I don't have time to list his rugby accolades so just google him or something. I think there's a fan site for his arse though so be careful.
POH are also secretly a support group for Iain as the England full back. Bally bally bally BALLY BALLY

Mark Breen aka 'Ole' has a special place with POH as the try-scorer in the EPIC NYC 7's sudden death final, earning himself the nickname ole, the babyfaced assassin. Ole will gladly finish off any drink or food of any POH team member from that moment on and provide the 'finishing touch' that he has become famous for. When not playing touchy feely games with Mark Garcia Ole is a real asset to the side with genuine tried and tested 'supersub' status. He has played for Worth, his school side and also Sussex at Junior level before representing Oxford Brookes, the worth old boys and Gibraltar RFC. Breenie, we love you heavy.

Jakey Coates, aka The Pole Dancer, is probably the only player with any significant gas in the POH side and can often be seen post tournament faced with a mountain of shots each representing a try scored. However, after foolishly tagging me in FB photos he shouldn't have, the only 'try' I will mention was the semi final 'effort' when Jake took 'the long way round' and fell flat on his noggin, dropping the ball on the tryline to a loud crowd encore of 'what a cock.'
Jake has has enjoyed success at many levels on the rugby stage. He began playing at Hereford Cathedral School, but has since gone on to represent Gloucester Academy, Bristol University 1st XV and 1st VII, QJP 7s and the one and only P.O.H!
Jake is a frustrated poledancer (see pic below) but will use every opportunity to pursue his dreams so please, maintain your distance.

Rob, aka Huggsies champion of the world has too many special moves to list on this profile. Rob playing history involves a 3 year period at Southampton University as well as a season at Lyon Rugby club and various seasons with Rosslyn Park in London. He is also an active playing member of the Worth Old Boys team. I have no idea who they are, although I do know that they recorded one famous loss against the Stonyhurst old boys team last year.
Rob is a classic rugby tourist, and apart from when he wants to go to the cinema, is often at the front of the POH charge. Famous moments include the use of two Giant new york jets fingers in front of a crowd of thousands, and some unbelievably X-treme huggsies.

Gooch is part of the Sunday night new york cinema crew, but you wouldn't know it when you see him on the dance floor unleashing the famous duo chicken dance with his brother Rob. heavy
While most sevens players tend to shy away from contact, goochie is 'direct' player. It is said that when the words 'pull out' 'pull back' 'release' or any similar phrase are uttered during a game, gooch only hears radio static, and engages into automatic try line tunnel vision. Gooch's most famous performance was at the Benidorm 7's for Gibraltar where came off the back of a direct nightclub to playing pitch transition and staggered the crowd (and his teammates) with a series of tries from the kick off. unbelievable.
Gooch has is an old Worth rugby player but we try not to hold this against him. He also played for Durham UNiversity, Darlington Mowden Park, USAP Barcelona and FC Barcelona (the rugby team) which brought with it the most unreal stash haul of all time. Gooch, hook us up.
Gooch is also the holder of 'most xtreme huggsies on tour.' It involved an amazing bar, a reception desk, and an unaware man on a phone.
quite brilliant.

Steve Ebbett is a back row forward in the 15s game who plays in the pack for the POH. Steve currently plays for Sutton and Epsom RFC and has previously played for West Hartlepool RFC and Civil Service RFC. Strawberry blonde Steve is the only player to have made money on the New York trip when he unleashed some never before seen breakdancing moves on unsuspecting spectators in Central Park before doing a lap of honour, cap in hand. key

Steve introduced the POH massive to the "Super 5s" phenomenon and was suitably stitched up on a number of occasions on the legendary NYC trip (did we mention we won that by the way!). Steve is probably the only player in the team who is whiter than "Stacky" and has serious concerns about the summer tournaments and his pasty complexion. He is also known for taking X-treme huggsies that one step too far. Likes both men and women...not fussed...

Lamby, aka the lambinator is another old Stonyhurst College boy who also has representational honours for Lancashire and England but only ever pulls on his boots these days for POH, that's how important it is. he has toured extensively and is one of the regular stalwarts of the team.
Known for his bossy nature on the pitch (when you can actually see him) Lamby generally gets punished for this and can be found ruined early doors either moaning about wanting to go home or sneaking off in a taxi. His end of game cigarette breaks are the stuff of legend, as are his bleeding knees which only grow skin during March. Lamby has more knee skin spread around the globe than any other person in the world (official Guiness world record). Lamby's other world record is for uninterrupted minutes of sevens rugby which stands at an impressive 3,450,897. Like a goddam duracell bunny, but less attractive (yes, even than a duracell bunny) lamby just keeps on going.
Lamby kept Justin Marshall out of the number 9 jersey for the 2008 Puerto sevens and to this day continuously looks to dine out on that fact.
Lambinator, we salute you.

Marshie, aka the Jackal made his debut for POH in the 2008 Puerto 7's (he described this as the rugby highlight of his career obviously). He could be found most of the time sitting around the middle of the pitch firing what could only be described as 'laser beams' both left and right. This more than made up for the jackals lack of gas. Marshie picked up a knock early doors but famously quoted 'bro, I am only coming off the pitch if one of my legs gets cut off.' key. Although it is difficult to understand him (he calls chips, chups, he calls switches, cuts, and refers to positions on the pitch in complex fractions, "5th 7/8th should get the ball there guys"!!!!....what) the jackal was key to the success on the day, and will no doubt run out for POH in the 09 season (contract permitting). It's only fair to mention 'that tackle' where the jackal hopped on one leg, after picking up a serious injury across the pitch to make a covering tackle in the final. heavy.
Although fancying himself as a bit of a sergio garcia his abysmal golfing record of 1 won and 18 losses (in Spain) tells a different story. He does however have other prouder standing records such as never speaking a word that can be understood after 1am while on holiday. Special mention to the fridge, the only person to take the jackal down over a series of days.
Marshie, we are a Gibraltar team, but we're all black on the inside. boom

Luke Stack has yet to receive a cap for POH (due to injury) but was instrumental in the NYC 7's victory as manager and coach of the team. Stacky has a long playing history representing Gloucester Academy, Cross Keys, Clifton Rugby Club, Bristol University, Lydney RFC, London Scottish and Sutton and Epson. He also plays for the sevens side Susies Saloon. In short, Stacky is a rugby slut.
He will no doubt play an instrumental role in future tournaments, although the climate in Southern Spain may have serious and damaging effects on what can only be described as his transparent white skin.

Albert, aka Beto represents the new wave of POH player. He is the 2008/2009 captain of the Stonyhurst school side and also has representational honours for Spain under 17s, playing in a recent European qualifier tournament in Venice. Although Beto has none of the skills of his older cousins in the side, Joey and Mark, he does carry probably 27 times the amount of hair so does have to work that much harder. We can only imagine how fast he would be were he to shed those extra 8kgs of weight he carries under the scrumcap. He is yet to develop his Bellotti botty, but this will no doubt add plenty of power to his game in the years to come.
Beto is a stamina player both on and off the pitch. He has a frightening tolerance to alcohol and a run all day attitude. He is often spotted prowling the dancefloors like a hyena later on in the evenings, however, he is completely tone deaf so singing out loud is normally quite detrimental to any chances of success.
Beto will be a key figure for POH in years to come as he continues to develop his rugby career, and continues the strong family and stonyhurst history of the side. Beto.....off

Mat Pardo aka Focker is a Dan Carter lookalike and a POH regular. Focker is so vegas it's ridiculous. Recently returning from the stag week of bassadopolus in vegas/san diego, focker attempted to go out in London, before turning up the following day to play in the London City 7's. He collapsed in the 3rd minute and was put onto a drip and heart monitor in a medical tent. It is said that focker told the attending nurse that 'this is just how i roll.' So Vegas.
Focks is a highly skilled player who uses the 'neck tilt' for extra speed. He has played for various teams including Bristol University and Bristol Academy. However, when the tank is empty for focker, it really is empty. During the summer season this can sometimes be as little as a 30M sprint. He can often be found looking to the sidelines and performing the 'finger roll' SUB ME NOW move. However, in NYC focker put in a spectacular performance in the final, with a famous last gap tap tackle to stay in the game.
When not suffering from red bull induced heart palpitations or stressing out about never having had a girlfriend, focker can often be found watching Aston Villa in a dark room, wishing on the day that they will achieve a top half finish. A theologian by qualification, this was a must have degree for someone doomed to support Villa for the rest of his life. He is a man of few words often just mumbling to have the units swooning at his feet, but on the pitch he is a tackling machine 'I'll sweep, I'll sweep (deep breathing deep breathing).'